It might be still dark and grey outside as usual in these wintery months but it's the best winter I've ever had since I came to this country. So far I haven't experienced any sign of the SAD (the seasonal affected disorder) syndrome or blue like I used to do in other winters. The fact of not needing to get up early driving to work in the dark, sitting under the artificial lights all day and driving back home in the dark again might give some explanations. (It normally gets dark about 4pm in winter here). Even the exhaustion of breastfeeding for the first couple of months on top of a major abdominal surgery didn't bring about the much-anticipated post-natal depression to me, which is something I was prone to. So this must be the baby wonder, I think.
However, once settled into the routine of a stay-at-home mum, I got this new anxiety creeping in. The anxiety of the identity or the anxiety of not being able to do or buy certain things as we used to do. Living in a consumption society in an age of anxiety is not an easy thing. Plus I am inundated with all these information and advices about parenting through books, internet, health professionals and friends. Equipped with all these knowledge I hope I can glide through the motherhood effortlessly. The truth is that the more I know the more I becaome anxious. e.g. To work or not to work is the one, it seems working mums with young children in this country are all ladened with guilts. Knowing the research of the early childhood upbringing has a lot to do a child's future potential just make you more anxious if you want to go back to work earlier. I have to admit that I have some desire to be a yummy mummy with a washboard stomach, an impeccable dress sense and a 4x4, but how can I achieve this if I don't slave myself ever harder at work.
If I hadn't moved country, probably wouldn't have come up with this thought. in Chinese culture, most women return to work at their first opportunity and children are normally brought up by grandparents and there are no guilts there. I remembered I was put in a nursery at very young age, do i have any psychological damage? I ask myself...
4 comments:
Decision is more difficult when you can afford to be stay at home mom.
For me, it's simple. We just can't afford to live on one income. So there is no doubt that I must go back to work.
I totally understand what you say. If you can afford, maybe it's good to care for Daniel yourself until he turns one. Then you can invite your parents to go over and mind him while you go back to work. When he is 3, he will enjoy the pre-school.
Forgot to say, Daniel looks cuter and cuter! He is very chubby. :)
Guess we are standing on the same ground. We can't afford one income either with 2 mortgages and the private school fees...
Then your decision is easy to make too. :)
Same same, big mortgage & child support......
Life is still great though especially seeing the big smile on baby's face.
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