Test Run

Today Daniel had his first nursery session without my company, only one hour though, it was a test run for me to see how bad he could go. He had another 2 hours' settle-in session with my company on Monday, which went well. So Nursery deputy manager Karen suggested me to leave him for an hour on next visit. I booked 3 one-hour session to leave Daniel alone, One was on today, the other two will be on next Tue and Fri 2-3pm respectively, and a full-day without me on 19 Oct /Fri, the last week before start to work.

Life is pretty hectic at the moment. Daniel's nap has been getting worse since couple weeks ago, he totally refused to sleep in the cot during the day since he was able to pull himself up in the cot. Since then the settling method has gone backwards to driving him to nap again, which works very effectively, Once the car start moving, Daniel would doze off quickly. Today was no exception, I drove him to a country park prior to his nursery visit just in case he would gone hysterical in the nursery without me.
2 pm, the moment of truth, I asked Karen if I could stay for 5 minute watching him from the window, she just told me to go, don't make any fuss and ring up later. She picked up Daniel from my hands before I even finished kissing him and saying good-bye, Obviously Daniel was in distress immediately in a stranger's hands.I did what I told, left without fussing over Daniel. Walking out the nursery, I didn't burst into tears like what I thought I would do. The moment has passed, I think. My mind has already been well-prepared for this scene. Had this parting scene been in couple months ago, I would react pretty badly. Remember one month ago on one Saturday morning when Terry took Daniel out on his own leaving me to have a break at home, I was totally at loss and felt tearfully after they had gone, and I was alarmed by this emotion that moment, remember I was thinking what I'm going to do with myself when Daniel goes to school and when he goes to university...

Leaving nursery I walked to library, which is nearby, to have a cup of coffee and return some books. Seating in the library cafe, I phoned my mum telling her Daniel has gone to nursery on his own first time, then phoned Terry telling the same thing, 20 minutes later I phoned nursery asking how Daniel getting on. They answered he is fine, stopped crying 5 minutes after I left and now is playing the toys...anyway, one hour has past quicker than I realised, Before I have time to finish my coffee and pick up some new books, it was time to pick up Daniel. Obviously Daniel must know the time when I due back as I can hear his screaming from outside the nursery. He was crying in a staff's arms in front of his favorite toy when I walked in. Once he saw me he cried even louder (this is to make me feel guilty, according to nursery staff). I picked him up he stopped crying. We sat there for another 5 minutes, I can see that he want to get on toys again...